Our Christmas Letter

Dear friends,

As we rejoice in the birth of our Savior, we reflect also on a year marked by several births in our family. We began in January welcoming Ashtyn Teagan on the 28th. If you haven’t seen her birth announcement on YouTube, you should definitely check it out. (Go to www.youtube.com and search for “Ashtyn Birth Announcement.”) Ryleigh was very excited to become a big sister; so excited that January 28th also marked the day she became potty-trained. “Babies wear diapers; big sisters wear panties,” she kept insisting. A very exciting day for Mommy and Daddy, indeed!

As the early spring months progressed, Butter Valley Harvest, Inc. was born into our family as Ryan and his dad established the partnership that would become our family’s hydroponic greenhouse produce business. This meant a quick progression of events that resulted in our townhouse in Burke being placed on the market and sold in a matter of days in early June. The rapid succession of events while we were both working part-time and juggling two little girls led to the decision to not pursue immediate home ownership in PA, and found us looking for a rental.

We found a converted carriage house in a small town about 10 minutes from the Ehst Homestead Farm. A converted carriage house has plenty of character, some of which has been a blessing (a designated office and designated playroom), and some of which has presented some challenges (a single step between every room on the main level), at least to small children.

July was a busy month – we moved the last weekend of June, closed on our townhouse in VA on July 1st, spent a week at the Delaware beach with the Bechtel family, and spent a few days the end of July in New Hampshire with the extended Derstine family for the bi-annual reunion. Ryleigh loved the beach this year and NH, but not the long drives. If you have ever spent all day in the car with a 3-year-old, you understand. The week at the beach is a treasured annual event for Amanda, her parents, her sister and brother-in-law, and brother and girlfriend. It is the only time during the year that we are all together for an extended period of time, and we all enjoy being together! We are very blessed by our family!

Ryleigh turned 3 in August and started in the 3-year-old class at Bally Community Preschool in September. She loves going to school two mornings a week, and Mommy enjoys some quiet time with Ashtyn. The preschool is located in the church where Ryan’s mom works, and only minutes from the farm, so it makes for convenient drop-offs and pick-ups. Ryleigh loves having other children to play with and practicing colors, letters, numbers, puzzles, Spanish, music, and other 3-year-old activities. At home, Ryleigh loves to bake and help Mommy clean (how long will this last?!). We enjoy baking bread and muffins together, preparing preschool snacks when it’s our turn, and “crafts.” She was also very excited to take part in her first Christmas concert at school.

Amanda is finding the adjustment going from teaching to being home with two little girls more of a challenge than anticipated, especially when paired with being in a new town and not knowing anyone. We all miss our dear friends back in VA! Amanda has found the moving of her Pampered Chef business an initial challenge but a tremendous blessing as of late. We are hopeful that the Pampered Chef will continue to provide income for our family and provide her with some “adult time.”

Ryan has kept busy with the construction and initial plantings that are Butter Valley Harvest to this point. In early August we held a groundbreaking and dedication ceremony at the farm and then began construction, marking the birth of the 3-bay greenhouse. If you visit our website at www.buttervalleyharvest.com, you can find our blog which gives a narrative and photos of the progress week by week. We planted the first seeds as a family in early November, and by the time we all celebrate Christmas, we will have celebrated the first harvest and hopefully, the first sales of our produce. We invite you to visit our webpage and find out what we’re all about (and watch for our grand opening!).

One of our other pursuits over this past year is that of becoming better stewards of God’s creation. We have always been pretty good about recycling and that sort of thing, but we’ve taken a few additional steps. We’ve mostly given up disposable diapers, but not feeling ready to dive into cloth diapers, we have Ashtyn wearing gDiapers, which we have grown to love. The inserts are compostable and flushable and spend only about 30 - 60 days breaking down rather than hundreds of years like disposable diapers. We heat the greenhouse geothermally, greatly reducing our dependence on propane and our carbon footprint. One of the benefits of hydroponic produce is that it uses only 20% of the water required by field crops. We enjoy taking care of our planet in small ways and the creativity sometimes needed to change our lifestyle.

Despite the many changes in our family, we cling to the one unchanging thing – our eternal security at the side of our risen Jesus. As you can imagine, this year has been a roller coaster of highs and lows. God made Himself very present in our lives as we made the decisions to move to PA, to sell the house, and all that went with establishing the business. We can still expect His miracles in the 21st century, and He is very much real and active in our lives.

A word about our pictures… If you haven’t met Ryleigh’s best friend “Hop” the kangaroo, that’s her.

And that’s Ashtyn showing off her chubby cuteness (and her orange gDiaper) on Amanda’s parents’ living room floor. Our family picture was taken in the greenhouse. The dark section in the lower left is the nursery where the lettuce and herbs spend their first couple weeks. The growth medium is then separated and transplanted into small square holes in the white “trays” you see everywhere else around us. So there we are, surrounded by our “babies.” We are incredibly grateful to all the family and friends who have supported and prayed for us over this past year. We are so blessed by prayers lifted from all corners of the earth. If you’re in the area, please visit the Ehst Homestead Farm and Butter Valley Harvest to sample some of our fresh produce. We wish you a very merry Christmas and a blessed 2009!

Love,
Ryan, Amanda, Ryleigh, & Ashtyn

Random October Pics

Since I haven't been very good at blogging lately, here are some random pics of the girls from throughout the month of October...

Ashtyn went through a "I'm not sleeping until I can't possibly stay awake any longer" phase, which meant we stayed up late until she collapsed on the floor. Thankfully, this only lasted three or four days!

One of Ashtyn's new tricks as she was learning to crawl. She thought she was pretty funny getting in the bottom of her entertainment center one night while the rest of us were having dinner.

Here's Ashtyn just looking cute at my parents' house after a day at the Quiet Valley Harvest Festival. Right before she crawled up and grabbed the camera.

Ryleigh with Christopher at Quiet Valley. These two crack me up. Either trying to hold hands and playing pretty well together or one trying to get away from the other and fighting over this, that, and the other thing. Think they'll get married someday?

Here we are taking some pictures while getting our pumpkin to carve for Halloween later. Ryleigh was visiting Mom-Mom, so she wasn't with us.

Piglet-Ashtyn at the preschool Fall Frolic. (She's the character from Winnie the Pooh, not that she's an actual piglet... although sometimes...)

Tigger-Ryleigh got her face painted with a rainbow.

Halloween -- is it possible to get them both to look and/or smile at the same time?! Our battery died after about 3 or 4 pics, so these are all the Halloween pictures we have. :(

Be Encouraged (Amanda)

My friend from FCC emailed me the other day and told us we should be sure to listen to Pastor Rod's sermon from last Sunday. We downloaded it and listened to it in the car the other day. The thoughts may have been "random" (Rod's description), but they were powerful. Thank you, Inez, for knowing us well enough to know what we needed to hear. Thank you, Rod, for letting God lead you where you were not intending to go.

Usually when you hear a sermon and think, "Oh, so-and-so should really hear this," it isn't necessarily a good thing. It's a case of needing to take a harder look in the mirror. But this time, it's a case of "everyone really needs to hear this," because we can all relate to at least one of these things. (Although I admit, certain people, ones I know need extra encouragement right now did come to mind.) Rod's five points were powerful and relevant and straight from the Word of God.

So, here's the link to the sermon series: http://www.fairfax.cc/gametracker. You want the third one in the series, from October 11-12. Listen. At least once. Really. You need to. Be encouraged. And fear not. God bless.

Blow Some Notes, Mommy (Amanda)

This is too cute (and shows the funny influences TV has on our children)...

I got out my clarinet to practice the other afternoon, with the girls at my feet. Ryleigh was very interested in what I was doing, watching intently as I assembled the instrument, asking about the reed, etc. I started to warm up, playing some scales and stuff. Ryleigh was fascinated. She's heard me play before, but admittedly, it's been a while. She said, "Blow some notes, Mommy." So I played a few notes. "Blow some notes, Mommy." A little more insistent. And again, "Blow some notes, Mommy." I laughed and said, "Ryleigh, I am 'blowing notes.'"

"No, Mommy, make the colored ones come out." Huh?! Ryan and I looked at each other again, and then he started to laugh, realizing what she meant. On Little Einsteins on the Disney Channel, rainbow-colored notes come out of the instruments. Ryleigh was very disappointed to learn she could not see Mommy's notes. We told her to close her eyes and imagine a color. (The notes were all green, no matter what I did.) Oh, out of the mouths of babes! Too cute!

In other news, the Sleep Fairy works, and we are all sleeping! Woo hoo! We are bumping up to every other night. And Ashtyn is pulling up on things now. Oh no.

Sleep Fairy Update (Amanda)

We are 3 successes for 5 attempts with The Sleep Fairy. Tonight is so far, so good. So we should be 4 for 6. Not bad. I'll take it. Much better than the previous alternative. Now about the teething baby.... Whiskey has been suggested.

The Sleep Fairy arrives (Amanda)

Some of you know we have battled sleep issues with Ryleigh, somewhat beyond the normal toddler not wanting to go to bed. When you combine all the change (moving, traveling, starting preschool), it's no surprise she has trouble sleeping. But when you add the confusion arousal and the multiple trips to our bed, not only is she not getting sleep (which makes the confusion arousal worse, which means less sleep/ more exhaustion, which means worse sleeping issues... you get the picture... vicious cycle), neither are we. The exhaustion is starting to take its toll on all of us. We just need sleep.

We got a little bit smarter a few weeks ago and made Ryleigh a "nest" (a blanket and pillow) on the floor next to our bed. Sometimes you are just too tired to deal with whether she's in her bed, as long as she lets you sleep! Now at least we aren't being kept awake by kicking and tossing when she's finally asleep.

Of course, there are also the million visits out of her bed before she ever goes to sleep. Those, I guess are normal. But when your sweet angel is anything but angelic because she's SO tired, and her eyes look so pathetic, and she spends half the day yawning and telling you how tired she is, and yet cannot go to bed... In our online search for help, we stumbled across The Sleep Fairy. So we are trying it. It finally arrived today. I don't want to get my hopes up, but my little girl is in bed, and I haven't heard a peep out of her. She seems clear on what is acceptable (getting up at 2 am to go to the bathroom) and what is not, getting up ten times for another drink, etc. Anything that involves her not waking up in her own bed tomorrow morning means no visit from the Sleep Fairy.

In case you're curious, the Sleep Fairy (whose name is Macy), leaves little presents under the pillows of little boys and girls who stay in their beds all night. It starts out with little gifts (hair bows, stickers, lollipops, etc) every night, then every other night, then once a week, etc. Yes, we are bribing our child to sleep. But she is so tired, we are so tired, and we will try anything. We've tried it all! And despite all the tantrums involved in the hour before bedtime and how tired and cranky Ryleigh was, the story of the Sleep Fairy calmed her down. She seemed to take it all in, asked about how the fairy would get in, where the present would be, etc. She really wants that little gift. I'm so glad I recently found a bunch of my old trinkets from my childhood. I knew there was a reason I saved them all these years. Remember jelly bracelets and tiny flocked teddy bears? Oh yeah.

Sweet dreams, my friends. And pray that Macy the Sleep Fairy helps my child find restoring rest. Dear, sweet Ryleigh needs it so badly. And so do her mommy and daddy.

Our First Visitors (Amanda)

So yesterday we had our first visitors that weren't family since we moved to PA. To all of our east coast friends out there: You should feel bad; they came all the way from France!!! Just kidding. But we did find it slightly entertaining that the first of our friends to come visit came from so far away. Of course, they didn't come to the U.S. just to see us and are currently staying at her dad's in Lititz...

We had a great time with Jill and Fred and their twins, Ben and Alex, and Jill's dad who came to visit us at the farm last night. We had a wonderful meal together, and Ryleigh and the boys enjoyed running all over the farm. We got to know Jill (and her twin sister Amy) soon after we moved to Northern Virginia, and then Jill married Fred (she met Fred while studying abroad in France). They lived in NoVa for a couple of years after the wedding but moved to France a few years ago. We have missed them dearly in that time. And two years ago in July they added Ben and Alex to their family. We haven't seen them all since the boys were little babies, so it was really fun to see them at this age. And I loved hearing them call Jill "Mama" with their little French accents. Do you think I could teach the girls to say it that way? It was very sweet!

Jill, Fred, Ben, and Alex: thanks for taking time during your visit to come see us. It was so great to see you again!

Good Day!

Sunday was great day. We spent the afternoon at Green Lane Park at their Scottish Irish Festival. It's a thee-day event, but I guess Saturday was pretty much a wash-out. Anyway, we had a great time walking around. Ryleigh loved watching the "beautiful" Irish dancers. We spent time in the kids activity tent, where Ryleigh used potato stamps to paint a picture (glitter in the paint), glued pictures (and more glitter) on a "coat of arms," and decorated a princess crown with jewels and (you guessed it) more glitter. It was all about the glitter! We enjoyed sharing a fresh lemonade and a scone with strawberries and whipped cream. Ryleigh also enjoyed all the dogs, large and tiny, that were around the park with their owners. We discovered the great playground and swings at the end of our time, and of course, the swings were full, and despite quite a wait, she never got a turn. (The bummer of that is that on Monday we went to the little playground up the street, and while the swings were empty, they were too hot to sit on!)

Needless to say, the fun-filled day wore the girls out and both were sound asleep before we left the park! Ryleigh didn't even wake up when we carried her in the house and laid her on the couch.

Beautiful Ryleigh (Amanda)

We had a very full morning getting photos taken at Portrait Innovations. They are so great! Anyway, here are my faves of Ryleigh:

The photographer really did a great job of capturing Ryleigh's personality. The rolling on the floor is an act of defiance, and yet it's so cute. And the expression on her face in the pics with her hands on her hips and the spinning one -- so Ryleigh! She's all attitude! That's my Ryleigh!

Beautiful Ashtyn (Amanda)

We had a very full morning getting photos taken at Portrait Innovations. They are so great! Anyway, here are my faves of Ashtyn:

Feeling Hopeful... (Amanda)

It's been a while since I've blogged, partly because it's been a busy time around here -- check out our other blog at www.buttervalleyharvest.com, and partly because I just haven't felt like sharing. Emotionally, the transition to life in PA has not been easy for me. Keeping up with the girls, the housework, the things I should do, the things I want to do, etc. has been a little overwhelming at times. We still haven't unpacked everything. Yes, we have too much stuff. And I've spent a lot of time staying up too late and then being exhausted!

Anyway, today I am feeling hopeful, for the first time in a while. For some reason, God suddenly gave me peace about life yesterday. I was riding in my dad's car (we celebrated Ben's birthday in Philly last night, and we rode with my parents), having one of those random conversations with myself that I tend to have more frequently than I care to admit. Anyway, I just decided I was tired of feeling depressed about what I was missing, and that if this is really where God wants me to be, then he must have a reason, so I should just go with it. It's always better to go with God than against Him. He always wins anyway, and it's much easier to just go with Him right away than fight it and end up in the same place anyway, just a little more scarred by the journey.

One of my biggest discouragements was feeling like we would never find a church that felt like home. Since most of our close friendships, support system, etc. came from our connections at Fairfax Community, I feel like without a church home, this will never feel like home. We've visited several churches nearby and been disappointed in some way by all of them. We found out last week that the one we were considering visiting again is losing its senior pastor, so that wasn't something we wanted to get in the middle of. We were starting to feel like we wouldn't find anything where both the music and the preaching measured up to Chris and Rod at FCC.

So today, we decided to take a little longer drive to church and visited Branch Creek. We were so blessed by the worship and teaching this morning. We are still in discussion about whether it is a distance we want to drive once or twice a week, especially since it will be even further away once we move over near the farm. I don't want to visit again until we decide that distance is OK (it isn't that far). I don't want to get even a little attached. But I think today, whether or not this eventually becomes our church home, I just needed a service I didn't feel the need to criticize somewhere along the line. I was able to just relax and enjoy the time. The service felt a lot like FCC, and that was just what we needed. At other churches we've visited, there was a point in each service where I felt uncomfortable. I never felt that way here, and for that I am so grateful. And hopeful.

Please pray that I will be able to continue in an attitude of peace and hope. Pray for our church home, wherever it ends up being. I feel better today than I have in a long time, so please pray that my spirits stay up. Blessings to you, friend!

New Beginnings (Amanda)

Today was another day of blessing. We held the official groundbreaking and dedication for Butter Valley Harvest this afternoon on the Ehst Homestead Farm. The last two days since we arrived home from the Derstine Reunion in New Hampshire have been full of stress, anxiety, and activity as we prepared for today. I am (and I think we are all) so glad it is over. I just finished looking through the pictures Aunt Barb took today, and was able in the quiet of this evening to just reflect and feel blessed.

Blessed because so many family and friends came to be with us today. Our siblings, our parents, our grandparents, our aunts and uncles, our cousins, and many friends from the Bally community joined with us in prayer and praise today. It was such a joy to share the history of the Ehst farm with everyone and know that now I, too, am a part of that story. As we talked about the things that were added, changed, and modernized by various generations of Ehsts, it was crazy to think that someday, our great-great-grandchildren may talk about us and the beginning of the hydroponic (or Soilless Environmentally Controlled Agriculture) farming on the land.

As we stood on the ground where this week, excavation will begin for the greenhouse foundation, it was a privilege as well as a humbling experience, to be surrounded by everyone as we committed Butter Valley Harvest to God. We sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness" as an expression of all the God has already done in and for us and the generations who came before. Greg Bowman shared some thoughts out of his passion for locally-grown food, the environment, and his God before offering a sweet prayer on our behalf. Then we planned for three generations of Ehsts to break the ground (Pop, Dad, and Ryan). But generation #4 wanted in, too. Ryleigh helped to break ground after her Daddy. It was really special. Then Melissa led us in a responsive reading she had put together. Uncle John Ehst gathered us all in close for a final prayer. Those moments were really special as our friends and family huddled around us, lifting us and the business to the Father. Uncle John Derstine led us in another song "Be Thou My Vision" as we looked forward to God's continuing guidance. The afternoon ended with everyone gathered in the yard, sharing refreshments and fellowship.

I haven't had a positive attitude about this in a while, especially this last week or so. Today was very humbling, very blessing, and I am very grateful. If you were part of our day and are reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting us and believing in us. And Aunt Doris, if you read this, thank you so much for your words. At least I know, when the tears fall, that I'm not crazy! :) And for all of you out there who couldn't be with us today but have been lifting us in prayer, thank you for that. And please continue. We are so grateful for your support.

Just another note about the smaller, funny ways God sometimes lets us know he's there. This past week (while we were away), someone put up really nice roadside signs along Route 100 that say "Now entering the beautiful Butter Valley." Most people drive through the area and don't know it's the Butter Valley. This felt like an affirmation of our use of the name in Butter Valley Harvest. And now people will know when they drive through, where they are. It's just a little thing. But it's kinda' cool. And it's just a little reminder that God is present in all things.

Moving Adventures

aka Budget Boycott (both the truck company - read below - and the monetary one as moving has caused us to hemorrhage money)

So, some of this blog is for going back and filling in the blanks, and sometimes it's going to take me a little while, and sometimes it isn't going to be in chronological order. This is the story of our move. Many of you were involved somewhere along the way, here's the whole story...

We reserved a 24' truck from Budget for Friday, June 27th at 11:00 a.m. Ryan and his dad went to pick up the truck, only to be told there wasn't one. The lady there had 2 trucks, 8 reservations for Friday, and 6 more reservations for the next day. And, yes, she had 2 trucks. The best they could was a 16' truck. Uh oh. Ryan and his dad called every moving truck rental place within 100 miles. Nothing. Meanwhile, the first of our friends had arrived to help load. So we took at 16' truck. We're sorry if you were the person who reserved it.

In case you're wondering, no, all of our stuff did not fit. Not even close. Many of our dear friends helped us load up, and Casey and Barrett were pretty amazing in their determination and organization. But it didn't fit. So our little caravan left Saturday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. for PA with Dad driving the truck; me, Ashtyn, and the fish in the car (with a ton of stuff); and Ryan in the minivan stuffed to the gills (oh yeah, one top of everything we bought the minivan I swore I'd never drive on Tuesday of that week). We got to our new home in East Greenville around noon, were met by family and friends who quickly unloaded the truck and helped us reassemble our furniture.

That afternoon Ryan and my dad drove back to VA to reload the truck (thank God we had unlimited mileage!). The main level of our townhouse was pretty full of all kinds of random junk, plus our patio furniture was still outside. Ryan and Dad loaded the truck (things always take way longer than you expect) and got on the road back to PA again. Meanwhile, my mom and I were at the new house trying to sleep. I struggled to sleep knowing they were on the road so late. They arrived back in East Greenville at 4:30 a.m.!!! Talk about endless night. My parents drove the hour home to their house, we got a couple of hours of sleep, and then Ryan's parents came over to unload the truck and get it returned on time. What a day/night/day?!?!?!

It isn't over yet. On Monday afternoon, we left Ryleigh with her grandparents at the farm and took Ashtyn and drove back to VA for closing the next day. I found way more stuff than I imagined waiting for me at the house. (No, all our stuff didn't fit in even the second load with the truck. Yes, we have way too much stuff.) Samantha saved me by coming over and helping me with the rest of the packing that night.

Tuesday was a very rough morning. The realtor called with a glitch and wanted to know if we had title insurance. Yes, but it was in PA. They were trying to contact the lawyer we closed with when we bought the house and we called Ryan's parents to go search our files. Meanwhile, we were discovering that everything would not fit in the minivan. Uh oh. We left a few things in the Mattoxes' shed. And we left a few things in the trash pile that weren't exactly trash. :( We went out for breakfast (oh yeah, no coffee and no food until after 11:00 made our tempers a little more short than our already stressed-out selves) and got to Vienna for closing at noon. The title insurance had been located, but now there was some kind of problem with the walk-through. Luckily, our friend Ryan stepped in and saved us and closing went smoothly the rest of the way.

Being the nuts that we are, we left there and went to... the dentist! We left the dentist, fortunately no issues, not even for Ryan, and drove back to PA, again. No more events to write about. Now to make it feel like home.

God's Plan (Amanda)

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

Thank you, Inez, for the reminder. Most of us are familiar with this verse, have heard it a thousand times, especially at momentous occasions in our lives (graduations, etc.). But are we familiar with the chapter of the Israelites' story that elicited this promise? I was led to read over this chapter where God speaks to the Israelites who have been captured and kept in the strange land of Babylon.

God has a plan for each of us, even when we find ourselves in uncomfortable places. And as I sat in Ashtyn's room and rocked a fussy baby (teething, general discomfort, who knows?), I was reminded of God's provision for us. How in His infinite wisdom, He knew to give us precious Ashtyn at just this time.

My first thoughts were of the difficulties of moving and settling with an infant and a preschooler, etc. But then I realized as I rocked my little angel, that God knew that in these days I would need reminders of His love for me, and that Ashtyn is that reminder. That every couple of hours I must stop what I'm doing and be still, so Ashtyn's basic need for nourishment can be met. I am reminded that my most important job right now is not unpacking boxes, but cherishing this priceless gift God has given me to care for. God's plan is for me to be a mother, and that calling trumps all others. He has led me here to a place where my girls can truly be my first priority. And sometimes I must stop what I'm doing and just hold my babies, because they need me.

I was reminded of that little poem that talks about how sweeping and scrubbing can wait, because babies grow up so quickly, etc. As I held Ashtyn, her life flashed before my eyes, not the short one that she has already led, but I realized that, God willing, I will someday rock her babies, and I faced that horror that every parent must face: she will become a teenager first. She will date, she will leave us to go off to college or whatever path life leads her down, she will probably marry and have children of her own someday. Stop. Cherish the moment right now where she is in my arms. Because it won't be long until she is running around chasing Ryleigh, and neither of them will want to stop and let Mommy just hold them. I thought of how my own mother and grandmothers rocked me and now rock my babies. I thought about that pain I feel at seeing Ryleigh and Ashtyn in pain, and the joy I feel when they smile. The joy on Ryleigh's face last night as she licked her huge pink and purple ice cream cone (cotton candy flavor -- it was disgusting) was priceless. And how magnified God's pain and God's joy must be as He watches His children travel this earthly journey. Samantha shared that thought with me last week as we watched Maddie's tears as she and Ryleigh ended their last playdate before the move.

God is great, all the time. He has a plan for my life. I'm just trying to stay in the center of His will, even when it isn't exactly what I wanted. His plan is always better than mine.

Perspective (Amanda)

It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for your attitude. Well, some sleep anyway. Not necessarily good. Definitely never enough. But at least I have a little more perspective.

Sometimes I feel like such a baby. I've had friends move across the Atlantic Ocean, without this much fuss. My good friend lost her mother a few months ago. She has a much greater reason to be having a rough time right now. Many of my friends and acquaintances in this area are from military families and move every three or four years. I can't even imagine. I guess you just don't accumulate "stuff."

I used to work with someone who would hand whiny students a straw and a deck of cards and say, "Suck it up and deal." I think the cards are packed, but there are some straws in the pantry. :) I'm trying to count my blessings, and not dwell on the question of "Why does Ashtyn have to be teething right now?!"

Last Times & First Times (Amanda)

I don't do well with goodbyes, last times, etc. It's the last week here. We're starting to run into those. Last day of work today. Turned in my keys, my badge, my laptop. Saw lots of people for the last time, other than visits. For the first time in nine years, I am not an employee of Fairfax County Public Schools. For the first time in ten years, I am not a teacher. For the first time in my life, my world does not revolve around a school calendar with bells to tell me when I can use the bathroom or eat my lunch (all-too-quickly). I think I'm having an identity crisis.

I am a child of God. I am Ryan's wife. I am Ryleigh and Ashtyn's mommy. I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a friend. I need to focus on the important things and the things that I am.

Tomorrow will most likely be the last outing for Samantha and me and the girls. Hopefully I'll remember the camera and hopefulyl the girls will cooperate for some photos this time. Friday will be our last small group meeting. This Sunday will be our last regular Sunday at FCC.

I hate goodbyes. I know I'll be back to visit, but it's not the same. I have friends here. I don't know anyone in East Greenville. I'll have family nearby, but it's not the same. Hopefully the girls and I can find something to do, ways to meet people. Have I mentioned how much I'm dreading church shopping?

I hope and pray (and expect) that someday, in the not-too-distant future I'll be telling you about all the blessings in our life. Right now, tonight, I'd rather sit here not liking last times and first times. Tomorrow is a new day.

My Side (Ryan)

I have realized that for many who have only known me in Northern Virginia, or only through Amanda, this sudden move to "the farm in PA" seems completely out of the blue. For me however, this is my life coming full circle. The farm just north of the small town of Bally, PA has been passed from generation to generation since the land was deeded from William Penn. I lived most of my first 24 years here and I guess I will be the 12th or 13th generation now to make a living on this land. But for me this is far more than about making a living. I am excited about continuing the family farm, working with my dad, and providing the local community with fresh produce at affordable prices. I can't wait to be my own boss and to exercise all my creative energies in this venture. While I spent the last 12 years of my life in education, human services, and family therapy, and much of that in the mega-suburbia of Northern Virginia, I know that God was working on things in me. Had I never moved from Bally I would have never had the thought, initiative, or courage to do this. And I am confident that what He has taught me, and the experiences and education I have received, will be used in some way as we set our roots back in PA.

Submission (Amanda)

I have hinted at this in random conversations with people, but I wanted to spell it all out at one time, for everyone to read all the pieces of the story, for God is truly amazing.

I used to be fiercely independent, believing I could have and do it all, and believing fully in equality of men and women, a bit of a feminist even. Hang with me here, some of you are ready to argue. I know, some of you are thinking, "You aren't still fiercely independent, etc.?" Maybe you mean stubborn. :) I am, but I am not. God has really changed my heart.

I used to think I could be a high school band director and a mom and anything else I wanted to be all at once. Once I started working in a high school, I realized I didn't want to give that much of myself away at the expense of my family. So my desires were changed. Then I had my first child, and God made it clear that I shouldn't even be an associate band director at the high school level. I became protective of my time with Ryan and Ryleigh, and so excited by the opportunity to have more of it. Once I became a mother, I realized that was all I wanted to be. Maybe not all, but certainly God convicted me that it was to be my primary focus.

It hasn't been easy, all the role-reversal in our family. Ryan and I have often struggled with the "head of the household" and "wives, submit to your husbands" thing. Partly because I'm so stubborn. Partly because I was the primary breadwinner, and while we knew it was only for a season, we also knew it wasn't God's overall design for the family.

Which leads me to submission. I always struggled with the idea of submitting to Ryan, because I thought it somehow meant he was stronger or more important than I am. Then someone explained it all one day, and I finally got it. You can't just stop at "Wives, submit to your husbands." You have to keep going. You have to understand that this submission is the same submission to God's will that led Christ to the Cross for each and every one of us. That submission is not subverting my will, but it is trusting God to lead my husband according to His will. Not submitting to Ryan is not trusting God with our lives. If my husband is submitting his will to God, then I need to trust that, and submit my will to my husband. I need to trust that God will lead him down the right path.

Do I want to move to Pennsylvania? Not really. Do I question the master's degree in something completely unrelated to farming, agriculture, business, etc.? Absolutely. Do I doubt that God is holding my hand, has a plan for my life, knows what tomorrow holds, and wants to bless me and my family abundantly? Not for one second. I submit to Ryan's will to move back to the farm, because I trust this is in God's hands. I think in the long run it will be good for our family, but that's because I believe God wants us there. Every step of the way, God has shown His faithfulness to us. I cannot doubt that for one second, and I fully believe He will continue to be faithful in our future as He has been in our past.

I'm going to miss Northern Virginia like crazy. Not the traffic, not the hectic pace of life, not the feeling that there's never enough time to get together because everyone is always so busy. That's the only thing I miss about our year in rural North Carolina -- the slower pace of life. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could have a little time where life moves that slowly.

I'm going to miss the people, though. I'm going to miss FCC. I'm going to miss Rod's teaching and Chris's music. I'm going to miss the people who love on my girls so I can have a focused worship experience each weekend. I'm going to miss all the women who have poured into my life. I'm afraid to name them all for fear I'll miss someone, but Donna and Kathleen are two who've really touched me. I'm going to miss my small group. I'm going to miss the friends I've made through the church, which is most of the people I know.

I'm going to miss the comraderie among Fairfax County band directors. I'm going to miss that there was always someone to ask for advice. I'm going to miss my various coworkers and teammates over the years who have powerful influences on my teaching.

If I let myself dwell on it, I'm going to miss what we've built here over the last 9 years. Not just the relationships, although that's the biggest part, but my career and the connections that go with that. It's hard to leave all that. It was really hard to leave West Springfield last year, but God has honored my faithfulness to what I felt He was calling me, and this year has been such a blessing. It's harder to walk away now, but I must focus not on what I'm walking away from but what I'm walking toward. Granted, I'm not really sure what that is, but I do know it's God's plan for my family.

I am walking toward God, with every step I take and every day that I live. Sometimes I slip back, sometimes I stumble and fall, but I get up and press forward. And so we're diving in and moving forward with this. There's a lot I can't explain, other than to say it's is God's will, God's plan, God's doing, and if you just hang with us, you'll get to see what He does with this. I don't know what it is, but it's going to be great, and that is exciting. And that is why I submit to my husband, out of trust and faith in a God who loves me immeasureably, a God who created me and everything in this world, a God who gave His Son for me.

Well, this is a long entry. And I have less than two weeks. I should probably go pack something. My story of learning the meaning of submission is one that I hope can touch others, because it is definitely something I struggled with. May you be blessed by my story. May you give a second thought to this Scripture. My prayer is that those who read this will understand.

Happy Father's Day (Amanda)

to all fathers everywhere, especially to my dad, my father-in-law, my grandfathers (two of whom have gone home to be with their Heavenly Father), but most especially to the daddy of my two little girls.

I can't imagine a better daddy than Ryan is to Ryleigh and Ashtyn. Most of you know that since Ryleigh was born nearly three years ago, he has been the primary parent, his main job has been as a stay-at-home dad. That has at various times been more of a struggle than at others, but God has truly gifted him in this area, and He has gifted our girls with an amazing daddy.

Ryan, I know we haven't taken much time in all this whirlwhind to appreciate each other, but please know that I love you and I love the way you father our girls. They are so blessed by you, even though they don't yet know that anyone ever has any less of a father than you are to them. Someday, I hope they will appreciate you for the father you are too them. You have a special bond, especially with Ryleigh, from being home while I've been working. Ryleigh, Ashtyn, and I all love you so much!

Reflection of Joy

Blessed (Amanda)

We have an amazing small group. We have been so blessed by each family, and it's hard to express our gratitude for all they've meant to us. People have helped us get the house ready, watched the girls, gifted us with great conversation, support, and prayers, and offered their assistance with the move. Tonight we had a potluck dinner together (we always eat well!), and they gave us a gift card to Home Depot. I'm sure that will come in handy in the new home. I'm so going to miss Jeanny's baking.

It's hard to believe we've only been meeting as a group since the Fall. I feel like we've grown so close in such a short time. I've so enjoyed our time together, especially the women-only time we've had (birth stories always come up). I'm really going to miss these women. Mary always seems to know just what I need prayer for, she understands most how I feel about all these changes. I have appreciated Suzann's honesty and openness about anything and everything. Jeanny always has very thoughtful insights, whether it's study discussion or random conversations. Heidi is so thoughtful of others, so ready to lift them in prayer. She has bathed our very home in prayer, and I'm so thankful. Inez has a sincerity about her, a genuineness (is that a word?), a gentle spirit that has touched my heart. They all love on my kids. It seems so unfair that these people have only just come into our lives and we already have to move away from them.

I have to believe God has special blessings ahead for us. With a few exceptions, life seems so perfect, so many things are just what we've been looking for. Do we really have to walk away? God seems to be flinging open doors, so I guess it's meant to be. Gotta' have faith.

I Love My Girls (Amanda)

Ashtyn learned to blow raspberries today. *grin* She thinks she's hilarious. She's also trying really hard to roll over. She gets most of the way around, but can't seem to make it that last little bit. She's so close.

Ryleigh is so much like me. I am already dreading her teen years. I suspect we're going to bump heads a few times. It's already starting. I never thought I'd see this in her before even her third birthday! But she's also very loving to me, her daddy, and her sister. She's so affectionate when she isn't cranky.

Ryleigh is such a great big sister, so loving to her baby sister. Ashtyn was in her bouncy seat, and Ryleigh thought I was sleeping on the couch. (I was trying to get Ryleigh to lay dawn somewhere and take a nap. She is so sleep-deprived.) Ryleigh jumped off her perch on top of the couch at the tiniest noise from Ashtyn to put her binky back in her mouth. It was so sweet!

P.S. Checked the date on the yogurt, it was fine. Maybe she just ate too much. Maybe she just got sick.

Poor Ryleigh (Amanda)

I went to my last Northern Virginia Pampered Chef meeting tonight. I called Ryan on the way home to let him know I was on my way, and he said someone wanted to talk to me. I hoped he meant Ashtyn, but I knew he meant Ryleigh. I couldn't believe she was still up! Then she started telling me how she threw up all over my bedroom and bathroom! Poor baby! We fed her old yogurt (a lot of it -- she kept asking for more) and it made her belly hurt. Sometimes I feel like a terrible mother. We are so blessed to have such an amazing daddy who even cleans up puke. We love you, Daddy!

Random thoughts and stressors (Amanda)

I am so ADD. Can't focus on anything. Maybe there are too many things to focus on. So maybe it helps to throw my thoughts out there into cyberspace. At least they are out of my brain. This blogging thing is therapeutic.

Stressing a bit about the budget thing. We were doing OK. Then the moving thing happened. We spent a bunch of money on "stuff" to get the house ready for the market. We are spending outside our budget to eat without messing up the house (in other words, takeout). Then there's all the things we'll need when we move. I am throwing out all my dishcloths... they're nasty, it's time to go. Have tons of great Pampered Chef dishtowels, but the dish cloths have to go. Need a rug for the girls' new playroom (cement floor). The one I want is $249 at IKEA. I don't think that's in the budget. Then there's the moving truck. Those aren't cheap. Neither is the diesel they run on. Ashtyn needs more flushable inserts. Diapers are never cheap. And she could use a few more little g pants. I love the new striped ones, but they are even more expensive than the solids. :( We want a couple of pink ones and a couple of the dark blue ones. We aren't really putting her in shorts this summer, just t-shirts and little g's. So if we have multiples of a color, we should be able to get through most of the day matching her tops to her bottoms.

Don't get me started on my clothing situation! Nursing bras -- ugh! If you've been there, you might understand. They drive me crazy! And what is with the sizes on women's clothing?! It's not like I have time to try things on. It would be nice to count on being a medium, or whatever, but no, mostly I'm a medium, but sometimes I'm a large, and most recently I needed a small shirt. Who would have thought?!

All of this is very scary when combined with the unemployment factor on the other end of this move. Well, Ryan will be working. But working without pay is a bit stinky. Gotta' have faith. God will provide. He has been so far. He was, He is, He is to come.

Mom's Musings (Amanda)

Oh to be 2-almost-3. It must be tough. At 4:30 in the afternoon, Ryleigh is still in her pajamas. When I got home from school, she was still in them and pitched a fit everytime I mentioned getting dressed. By the time I thought it might be possible, it was nearly naptime. She has this thing that sleeping is meant to be done in pajamas, so she gets undressed at naptime anyway.

She is currently laying on the floor whining... again. She just said "I'm angry at you." Not sure what I did. She woke up from her nap cranky. She had a popsicle. She was happy. We went potty, we washed our hands, life was good. Now she's angry at me and wants Daddy to come home. She keeps asking when he's coming home. She's such a daddy's girl. Sometimes makes me feel like a bad mother. Makes me wish I hadn't worked so much when she was younger. Makes me more certain than ever I'll be here for Ashtyn. Ryleigh and I are making progress, but when push comes to shove, she wants Daddy.

These last few weeks have been tough on Ryleigh. I don't expect the next few to get any easier. Poor kid. She's going to miss Maddie. She is excited about being closer to her grandparents and aunts and uncles. She goes back and forth about the moving thing. Don't we all! OK, better go, now both girls are whining. Ashtyn is much more patient, though. Such a sweet spirit.

This Old House (Amanda)

So, the house thing... We scrambled (like you wouldn't believe and with LOTS of help from family and friends) to get the house ready to go on the market. We made it beautiful and left town (with much angst and stress before-hand) on Thursday, May 29th. The plan was to list it that weekend, and it just seemed easier to have the whole family out of the house. Ryan and his dad had a CropKing training in NY, so I stayed with my family in Stroudsburg for a couple of days. We had actually sent Ryleigh up to the Ehst Farm on Tuesday with her grandma, so as to have a couple of days to clean the house without her messing it up.

Anyway... Another example of the little ways God steps into our world to remind us who's in charge. We left on Thursday with neither Ryan nor I in a very good mood. I was especially cranky, because in addition to being exhausted, I hadn't had lunch by the time we left at 4:30. I was not feeling the love! We had dropped off the Hyundai at the body shop the day before (getting the vandalism painted over) and were driving a rental car. I assure you, I had looked at the car inside, driven it, adjusted the mirror, etc. This time, however, I noticed a paper tucked into the visor. I'd swear it wasn't there before. I was actually trying to figure out if I had left the car unlocked at anytime for someone to put it there. God sure knows when I need to be humbled, when I need a reminder. Here it was. Tucked in the visor were two pieces of paper, the first of which had the words to a poem "Do You Believe in Angels?" The second page was Psalms 33:18-22,

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famline.
We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our sheidl.
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.

The page concluded with a little note about faith and belief, and this quote: "I stopped telling God how big the storm was, and started telling the storm how big God is!"

Oh, yeah. God, you are in control. You are over all this. This is your will. This is what I prayed for. Sort of. Your version of it. Which is better. Way better. Always has been. Always is. Always will be.

Now, our soon-to-be (God willing) old house was taken care of as far as getting on the market, what about a place to move to? That's important. God will handle that one, too. I think He's trying to prove to me this is His will for our family and remove every hindrance, every obstacle, every excuse for resistance I might offer. We knew of two different families in PA with rental homes they were willing to hold for us. While we were up there that weekend (last weekend of May/first of June), we went to see them. Unfortunately, neither of them would really work for us. Now what? We scoured the Internet and the newspaper, but everything seemed too far away or had some other major flaw. Then Ryan's mom handed me one of those little shopper's guide papers and told me to check that. After going through all the Classifieds (they weren't in any order), we found three possibilities. We were able to go see all three of them that Monday. All three were viable options, but we definitely had a favorite. God was definitely at work in providing our new home, the one He had planned for us. Feeling better about this. Just have to sell the home in Burke.

Back to the townhouse in Burke. Don't know exactly which day the house was officially listed, June 1st or 2nd. We had people coming every day, some coming back a second time. Tried not to get excited. Oh yeah. Before I go further. Melissa has claimed we'd sell in a week. I believed God would do it, but it was only mustard-seed faith. God has been so good, would he keep it up? Did we deserve to keep seeing His hand so apparent in our lives? Did I need Him to? Maybe yes to that last one. Needless to say, faith can move mountains, when you truly believe, don't just say the words, but truly believe. We had a contract on June 5th. Three or four days! Our God is an awesome God!

In less than a week, we had a contract on our old house and a place to move to. A new "old house." You see, it's a converted carriage house. It's really cool. I'm even getting excited about it. The kitchen/dining area is a little small, but the girls will have a play room, we will have an office, and we have three bedrooms and two full baths (one for the girls, one for us). And there's lots of closets and storage space. I get a new washer and dryer. *smile*

God is in the details. God is providing. God is moving. Some days I feel like I'm just along for the ride. And that's OK. Riding with God... can't think of a better ride. And so Journey Ehst continues (in a northern direction). In three weeks. Oh yeah, that's the other part. We close on July 1st. God is moving and so are we... fast!

Good Day (Amanda)

Today was a good day. I have to celebrate those little things right now. It's Monday, I didn't work today, so it was a girls' day out. It's a million degrees here today, OK just nearly 100. And humid. Must be careful about planning an outing in this weather.

Samantha and I took the girls to Fairfax Corner to play in the "Interactive Water Feature." Ryleigh and Maddie had fun running in and out of the fountains, although it took Maddie a while. Ryleigh was soaked right away. Ashtyn and Loralai sat in their strollers in the shade with Mommy. After a while, Ryleigh got bored, so she started taking my sunglasses and my shoes into the water to get them wet to help cool me off. :) She'd get soaked in the cool water and then run and hug my legs to share the coolness.

After the girls tired of the water, we went to Potbelly's for lunch. They had a young woman sitting up near the ceiling playing guitar and singing. The girls liked that. We enjoyed our sandwiches. Ryleigh and Maddie split a PB & J, heavy on the J. There was jelly all over the floor when we were done, and it wasn't really their fault. Ashtyn didn't eat much; I think she was just too hot to nurse.

We went to Kohl's to do a little shopping before coming home. I realized this morning that poor Ryleigh has only one pair of shorts (and a couple of skirts). I bought her some shorts and a t-shirt, since it was less than $2. Gotta' love those deals! Anyway, the funniest thing was when the girls were wandering in the toy section. They found these little sets with a baseball, bat, glove, soccer ball, football, etc. with Dora, Diego, or SpongeBob on them. When Samantha came over after trying on shoes, Maddie shouted, "Mommy! SpongeBob Square Balls!" We were nearly crying we laughed so hard. The girls just looked at us like we were crazy.

Ryleigh took a nap when we got home, and eventually, so did Ashtyn, so Mommy got to steal a few z's, too. Daddy came home from work and made dinner before waking me up. :) After dinner, he bathed the girls so I could have some down time. More :).

Life is good. God is great. All the time.